mental health

Steps, Struggles, and Letting Them Do Their Thing!

Day 1 of 2025…I went for my walk to get my steps in—a goal I’ve been working on for a few months now and plan to continue in this new year. My baseline is 7,000 steps a day, with 10,000 as the bonus goal.

As I walked, I listened to a Peloton walking session and then switched to The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins on Audible. As I walked, I made it a point to look around and take in the incredible sky, the birds perched in the trees, the spider webs stretched between branches, and the people passing by—on foot or in their cars.

Listening to yet another personal development book, I realized something: while Mel Robbins’ insights are brilliant, they aren’t completely new. They echo lessons I’ve learned through understanding emotional intelligence, particularly self-awareness and self-regulation.

As I reflected on the people I’ve encountered recently, one truth stood out: we are ALL the same. Different colors, lifestyles, professions, goals, highs, and lows—but at the core, we share a universal truth. The person you just passed on the street? They’re either in the middle of a battle, just coming out of one, or heading into one.

We all have insecurities. We all believe, at some level, that we’re fucking something up while others have it figured out—but here’s the secret: no one has it figured out.

As women and moms, we often share the same stories. We worry about whether we’re messing up our kids or doing enough for them. Many of us are riding the rollercoaster of hormones and perimenopause, trying to feel good in our skin again. We’re finding ways to get the spark back in the bedroom (or the bathroom, the closet, the 3rd row of the family SUV, wherever we can make it happen) while juggling work and packing lunches.

That’s where The Let Them Theory comes in. Mel Robbins encourages us to let people be who they are. Let them make their choices, fight their battles, and navigate their journeys—just as we’re navigating our own. It’s not about indifference; it’s about grace. Let them… and let yourself.

Can we start 2025 with grace? For ourselves and for others? Assume everyone is trying to do better. That simple smile or offer to help might just be the difference someone needs to see the good in humanity again.

New Year, Same Challenges: The Key to Showing Up for Yourself

As we close out 2024 and head into 2025, it’s natural to feel the pull of a fresh start—the allure of the “new year, new me” mindset. Many set ambitious resolutions, brimming with hope for change, only to see those goals quietly slip away by March. It’s a cycle I’ve seen often, especially as moms approach me with a common plea: “Can you be my trainer? I need you to motivate me!”

The truth is, I’m not a trainer. I’m a mom, just like them, navigating the chaos of life. But what I’ve learned—what truly makes the difference—is this: motivation isn’t a crutch you can lean on. It’s fleeting, inconsistent, and unreliable. What keeps me going isn’t motivation—it’s discipline and a deeply rooted personal “why.”

Luna always getting in the middle of my warmup.

Making Your Goals Non-Negotiable

For me, working out isn’t something I squeeze in when life permits. It’s a non-negotiable, like brushing my teeth or taking a shower. It’s a promise I keep to myself. And let’s be honest: it’s easy to show up for everyone else—for our kids, our partners, our jobs. But if we don’t start with ourselves, there won’t be much left of us to give.

That’s why I plan my workouts like I plan anything else in life. If I know the weekend will be packed or something might derail my usual routine, I work around it. I adjust my day to fit in the workout instead of leaving it to chance.

Grace, Not Guilt

Of course, life happens. There are days when the workout is just impossible. On those days, I give myself grace. I don’t beat myself up or punish myself by overdoing it the next day. I simply start again. The key isn’t perfection—it’s consistency.

This mindset keeps me going, even when things get hard. I’ve let go of the idea that missing a day means failure, and instead, I focus on showing up the next day.

Finding Your Why

When someone asks how I stay disciplined, I ask them this: What’s your why? Why does this matter to you? Your why needs to be bigger than the excuses that inevitably come up. For me, my why is about health, energy, and being the best version of myself for my family and, more importantly, for me.

As we step into the new year, let’s leave behind the pressure of fleeting motivation and embrace the steady strength of discipline and purpose. Show up for yourself. Keep the promises you make to yourself. And when life happens? Give yourself grace and keep going.

What’s your “why” for 2025? I’d love to hear how you’re planning to show up for yourself in the new year. Share in the comments—I’m cheering you on.

When They Look Back

March 7th marked the one-year anniversary of my brother-in-law’s death and these thoughts have been circling my mind since…”what will I leave behind, what will they remember about me when I am gone, what will my legacy be?”

Legacy: a gift by will especially money or other personal property.

Well, my kids are screwed if that’s how legacy is defined! Thanks Merriam-Webster! Definitely no abundance in the bank account or major personal property, so does that mean I don’t have a legacy to leave to my kids? How can a six-letter word weigh so much on my heart?

I flipped over another page of the calendar today and I feel like I am running out of time to figure this out. The most messed up part is that I am 45 years old and yet when my eyes meet my reflection in the passing mirror I see a scared teen not the adult woman, mother, wife, or professional that I have worked so hard to become. Am I the only 45 year old woman that feels this way? Maybe that’s just a question for my therapist…

Back to the original question…what legacy will I leave behind? I don’t know. All I know right now is that I can’t give up on figuring that out because then what am I teaching my kids…give up when it’s hard?!?! Fuck no! Everything I do (or don’t do) is picked up by my kids. That! That is what’s building the legacy! The resilience. The determination. The curiosity. The pain. The joy. The mistakes. All of it!! So I don’t know what exactly that legacy will look like…but for now I will keep laying the blocks with no concrete image of what the end product will look like but knowing the foundation will be strong.

How are you building your legacy?

Confessions of a Bikini Competitor

“So when are you competing again?”

When I am asked that question my heart sinks. The voice inside sighs and quietly whispers “never” while my lips automatically form the words they have been conditioned to deliver and say “not sure, this year has been about recovering from some injuries.” As I speak those words I wonder if they could see the shame. 

You see this journey began for me mid 2018 as I approached my 42nd birthday. I wanted to do something out of my comfort zone for the 42nd year of life to honor my Mom who died when she was 42 and I was 6years old. I wondered how many dreams she may have held on to while raising my twin and I. I wondered how many goals she never attained as she waited for “the right moment”. I didn’t want to keep waiting…I was at the peak of my fitness journey and wanted to push it to the next level.

The first challenge I proposed to myself was running my first half-marathon! Up until that moment, the most I had ever run was one 5k almost a year prior…oh boy!! Signed up and started training without a clue of how to even start, what shoes to wear, what was the right form…nothing! But I started and just 4 days before my 42nd birthday I completed my first half-marathon! I remember as I ran that last mile I imagined my Mom cheering for me at the end of that mile…this was for you Mom.

Still wanting more, I decided to participate in a physique competition that Beachbody offered during their conference for their coaches. I signed up! I had about 3 months to prepare. I found a coach and I started preparing. I had NO clue what I was getting into. Workouts were intense…started my day at 3:30AM with a home workout followed by a gym workout that was carefully orchestrated by my incredible trainer Lilith. True to everyone’s description of the diet, the food choices were limited but I had sprinkled moments of cheat days (that turned into cheat meals) along the way. From April 2019 to July 11, 2019 I focused on this goal. I stepped on stage at 114lbs (started at 127) and with 13% bodyfat (started at 27%). Excited about being a part of this fitness focused community, I felt like I had found my happy place! Didn’t think I would even place but I did!! I placed 3rd in my age group and celebrated the win with a juicy burger and my family and fellow bikini competitors!! 

Now if you recall…I started this “live out loud’ challenge the year I turned 42 in a way of honoring my mom who died at age 42. Granted I don’t believe she would have stepped on a stage or run a half-marathon BUT it was my way of not “waiting for the right time” to do things. So if that was my goal, I should have been done…but I wasn’t. That journey made me want MORE. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that what I was chasing after, what I wanted to keep alive was something that was being fed ONLY by the external accolades others kept serving me. People I had never met before were coming up to me and telling me how I motivated them. I would receive messages from women I had admired that would tell me how amazing I looked and how they enjoyed following my journey. How could I give that up? I didn’t, much to my husband’s dismay. In January 2020, I started to prep again for a new competition year. Honestly, that focus on prep is what helped me survive the first year of COVID. I trained for 10m and competed in September and October of 2020, placing 3rd and 5th in the October NPC competition. However, as 2020 came to a close, I also ended up with double tennis elbow, a fragile relationship with my husband, and an unhealthy mental state of mind. 

As 2021 comes to a close I recognize that although I did LOVE the journey of prepping for competition, I should have addressed my mental health PRIOR to starting. I enjoyed the challenge, I overcame so many obstacles, it allowed me to motivate others to start their health journey…BUT it was all done on a faulty foundation. I was fueled by how OTHERS reacted to my accomplishments. So when the scale started to go up, the bodyfat started to rise…I felt like a fraud. How would all these people that had praised me and started following me react to my failure to maintain that incredible physique? How can I motivate anyone, when I can’t even stick to my own health journey? 

2021 has been a year of overcoming injuries but it has also become a year where I am starting to address my mental health and body image issues. So, when will I compete again? I don’t believe I ever will. It was an incredible experience and I loved all the people I met BUT it’s a journey that requires more than just grit. What I hope to do again is another half-marathon and then a full marathon! Bring on 2022.