inspiration

When They Look Back

March 7th marked the one-year anniversary of my brother-in-law’s death and these thoughts have been circling my mind since…”what will I leave behind, what will they remember about me when I am gone, what will my legacy be?”

Legacy: a gift by will especially money or other personal property.

Well, my kids are screwed if that’s how legacy is defined! Thanks Merriam-Webster! Definitely no abundance in the bank account or major personal property, so does that mean I don’t have a legacy to leave to my kids? How can a six-letter word weigh so much on my heart?

I flipped over another page of the calendar today and I feel like I am running out of time to figure this out. The most messed up part is that I am 45 years old and yet when my eyes meet my reflection in the passing mirror I see a scared teen not the adult woman, mother, wife, or professional that I have worked so hard to become. Am I the only 45 year old woman that feels this way? Maybe that’s just a question for my therapist…

Back to the original question…what legacy will I leave behind? I don’t know. All I know right now is that I can’t give up on figuring that out because then what am I teaching my kids…give up when it’s hard?!?! Fuck no! Everything I do (or don’t do) is picked up by my kids. That! That is what’s building the legacy! The resilience. The determination. The curiosity. The pain. The joy. The mistakes. All of it!! So I don’t know what exactly that legacy will look like…but for now I will keep laying the blocks with no concrete image of what the end product will look like but knowing the foundation will be strong.

How are you building your legacy?

2017: Kicked out of the “Comfort Zone”

Uncomfortable. 

Yes…at a quick glance, “uncomfortable” is the word that sums up my 2017. I mean I freakin turned 40, I lost my job and found myself unemployed for 3 months, I didn’t get the original role I interviewed for when I finally found employment, we have a toddler, a high school kid and a college kid and did I mention I turned 40?!? And I am trying to help others take control of their health…oh…and get this blog thing going.

So why uncomfortable?

Because to start, I had a hard time facing the fact that I turned 40 (if you haven’t figured that out yet and I will be 41 a month from tomorrow). Why did it bother me, because I came in believing that I had nothing to show for it, that I should be somewhere else in my life at this point, that I should be more “successful”, have a “bigger title” in my career, that I should be BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! Yep, that was my first lesson this year! And then it hit me…”BITCH! You ARE 40 and SO WHAT!” First and foremost my 3 kids, hubby and I are healthy! I have a wonderful husband that puts up with my crazy and supports my ideas and indecisions. We have a beautiful home and though they may be few…I have quality friendships. Oh yeah, and I rocked out a 40th birthday photo session with the one and only Photos by Lulu!

Then, as previously mentioned in my blogs, I lost my job. I had NEVER been unemployed in 23 years! I had to take my son out of daycare, I couldn’t help my husband with our bills, I sent out resumes and completed endless applications and NOTHING for 3 months! Despite my years of experience, I couldn’t get the roles I longed for…but God has a funny way of doing things and after finally becoming employed I realized that title was NOT everything and that the title should not determine the quality of my work or the effort I put into everything I do. I can make a difference no matter the title on my business card…

And yes, our 3 kids are our hearts…and are represented in every gray hair that has entered and reentered my scalp this year, but I wouldn’t change a thing…ok, I’m lying I might change one or two things, lol…but I would still keep all 3.

This year has taught me how to “grow and learn” in that uncomfortable space. It taught me that I can overcome hard times, that when I put my heart in it I can do hard things, it taught me to overcome self doubt and just put myself out there (as I do in my blogs), it’s taught me to own my faults (but yes hubby, I am still learning to master this one) and it’s taught me to believe in myself even when the results are not immediate and take time.

This year I freakin turned 40, started a new blog, started my new IG and Facebook page for my fitness journey, started a new job, kept all 3 of my kids alive and well, celebrated another wedding anniversary and started to believe in me. Yes many uncomfortable moments and maybe in the scheme of things, it doesn’t look like much success but I do believe that 2017 has set me up to KICK ASS in 2018. So if you had too many IF ONLY…THEN moments in 2017….recognize it, let it go and let’s get this 2018 PARTY STARTED!!!! It’s either “one day or DAY ONE!” What will you choose?

 

 

 

The Overlooked Transformation

On November 8th I posted my first video on my public fitness focused IG page called Sneakers.Sweat.Sacrifice. I was so scared. I may have taken about 4, 5 (or 500 but who is counting) videos prior to posting the one I did. I mean what if they saw my fat, was my acne flaring, did the move look too easy, what if no one watches, what if no one follows…so many negative “what if’s”, not one “what if” that sounded like “what if I inspire someone?”.  So despite the voices in my head telling me “you don’t have a story to tell”, “there are so many Beach Body coaches out there better than you”, “you don’t have a following”… Yes despite those voices I put myself out there. Sure my husband was the only one following me at first and no, I don’t have hundreds of people YET…but hell, it’s just been over a month, I am not giving into those voices.

You see, I DO have a story to tell. As I look back on my life, I realize that I have ALWAYS loved fitness. My fitness love began with dance. Play me a beat and my feet start moving, my hips start interpreting the sounds and my heart begins to soar. Growing up I would dance in my room, make up dances, spend hours daydreaming I was on a dance show…just enjoying the moments where I felt in control of my life. Dance kept me in “shape” growing up and as I got older I started going to the gym, but it was rarely consistent (unless I was paying a trainer, lol). As life happened, consistency would happen in spurts, I allowed outside factors to determine my fitness journey and I started making EXCUSES as to why I was not reaching my fitness goals.

As I have mentioned before in a previous blog, 2 years ago I made the decision to STOP making excuses and START moving towards my fitness goals. Fast forward to today…although I am far from the physical goals I wish to achieve, I have transformed something much greater!! My mindset. Yes, those nasty voices still try to take over my thoughts, hopes and desires…but I made the decision to ignore those voices and focus on what I can control…my health journey. I no longer feel guilty taking 30 to 60 minutes to be selfish and take care of myself because ultimately that helps me be a better Mom to my kids and wife to my husband.

My videos are far from perfect and yes you will catch the rolls in my belly, the bags under my eyes and the snap chat filter required morning face BUT that is ME (well, almost all me unless I have the snap chat filters, lol)…I am a 40 year old (almost 41) Mom, wife, full time Corporate Trainer that has chaos and toy cars in every nook and cranny of my home…but if my being real can inspire someone to change their mindset and start their health journey then let the rolls show and the filters flow! SHUT DOWN those voices and realize that YOU CAN achieve what you may deem impossible, because YOU deserve it!

 

Getting my “freak on”!

Cinco de Mayo, when most were out getting their drink on, I was at home getting my “freak on”…wait, wait, before you get excited, it was NOT at ALL anything exotic or seductive. NOPE! It was just me, freaking out because I had received an assignment/project from my potential employer, an assignment I was NOT prepared for. I had to create a strategic plan for my “department”, highlighting what I would accomplish during my first 100 days. WHAT?!? I had NEVER created one of those things before (although it was later brought to my attention that I actually have completed a “strategic plan” before, it’s just that I called it wedding planning and life planning). As you would imagine, the smoke signals immediately started, S.O.S, SOMEONE RESCUE ME!!!! My poor husband received the brunt of my frustration when he started talking to me about KPI’s and evaluations and…I just kept hearing words. I was SO freaked out that nothing made sense and I was getting more and more flustered. My comprehension was shot, I just wanted a solution…tell ME what to do!!! But that was not going to happen, I needed to figure this out.

Luckily, hubby stayed calm and stepped on to the sidelines so that I could try to find my sense of comprehension (and my common sense all together because it was getting ugly there for a minute). Along came 4 other life savers that kept me from drowning in my own insanity. Obviously, I didn’t drown or die (as I swore I would), I survived and I conquered thanks to the many souls that didn’t give up on me…and most importantly, I didn’t give up on myself. But DAMN was it hard. It was hard because I blocked myself. I freaked out and in that instant I turned off my creativity and self-confidence.

What turned my light back on? It was something my good friend and mentor reminded me of…he reminded me to go back to my “WHY”. Why am I passionate about learning, training, and development? Once I came back to that…the rest just flowed. I remember once I completed my presentation, I went back and reviewed it and thought “WOW! I did it! and it’s good!”

My WHY

To change the lives of our employees so that they are empowered to build relationships, make decisions, and reach their professional and personal goals.

So today, I look back on that experience and I am reminded of the many times I have put myself in that zone…that very unproductive, mind paralyzing, stress inducing zone that accomplishes NOTHING! Have you been there? What caused you to get your “freak on”? When someone is going through tough times, people often say “this too shall pass”. I am here to tell you that no matter the task you have at hand…you can and you will overcome it if you don’t go to that freak out zone. Remember your WHY and don’t let it become an “IF only, then…” event in your life. Go get “IT”!!!

Today I can also happily report that I will start working again, God willing, by the end of this month. Time to inspire & empower!!