Before the curtains close…

This past week has been quite a rollercoaster of emotions and reminders. Last week I attended the farewell service of my lil guy’s daycare teacher. Her passing was unexpected and when I found out I was in shock. She had been a part of my son’s life since he was 10 weeks old (he is 3 1/2 now). We had not seen her in over a month but I know she was waiting for him to return once I found employment. She adored him and was always so attentive and loving towards him and all her kids. She was truly an Angel on Earth. At her service, everyone that stood up to say a little something about her remembered her in the same loving and selfless light. What a beautiful legacy she left behind. I left her service with tears in my eyes but I was quickly reminded as I felt the warm light of the sun on my skin and the glare of the rays in my eyes…I AM ALIVE! As I walked to the car, I couldn’t help but wonder, what legacy will I leave behind? What have I done? Have I made lasting, loving and positive deposits into others lives?

Then this weekend my little family and I headed up to Orlando for my bonus daughter’s Open House at UCF. There we all were…hubby, our almost 14 year old, our 3 year old and our soon to be college kid. Where have the years gone? After the tour we sat over lunch and discussed all the amazing opportunities she has ahead and then looked at our calendars to realize we only have 4 more weekends like this one before she starts her first Summer semester at UCF. Here’s the down side of divorce, we have shared custody of our older kids. We have them throughout the week and every other weekend. It’s been this way since the beginning, almost 8 years, but for the first time we are facing the reality that all this will soon change. Yes, we have tried to raise our children to be independent and successful and we truly rejoice in the fact that our once lil miss has grown to a beautiful, smart, and goal-oriented young lady. However, it doesn’t take away the fact that our little family unit will be changing and our scheduled weekends together, family vacations and weekday dinner times will soon be minus 1. So again, as we drove back home, I couldn’t help but wonder, have we planted the right seeds in our children’s lives? What can we do for these last 4 weekends together that will create lasting memories? I know it’s NOT our last weekend EVER, but the reality is that as our kids grow and they go off to college and begin their own lives…things change and we as parents no longer have complete control. So now our lives revolve around the time we have left, the time we still have a LITTLE control over (yes, just a little because she is a teenager and as much as we may want to be together as a family, she prefers her friends and her boyfriend…yes that dose of reality SUCKS).

And all this shared to remind us all that life is SO short and we don’t know when our time may end and the curtains will close. When you take the time to be honest with yourself and reflect on what you have done, whose life have you positively impacted, what do you want others to remember you by…what does that heart to heart conversation sound like? As you’ve moved through the different “acts” in your life, your role as a daughter, son, sibling, spouse, parent, friend, aunt or uncle…have you enjoyed each role to the max? Have you been extraordinary or have you underperformed? Every act has a beginning and an end…before the curtain closes, how will your “performance” be remembered?

No one said it would be easy…

Monday through Friday my alarm is set for 4:10am…yes 4:10AM! However, that has not always been the case. I use to wake up around 5:30am to get the family and me ready for work and school. During the week, the routine was the same; work work work work work (in my Rihanna voice) and maybe once or twice a week I would go to the gym before work. On weekends, I would attempt to go to the gym but that was not always a priority. The problem with this “routine” was that it was NOT a routine. There was NO consistency in my workout and there definitely was no planning around what I ate. I felt very uncomfortable in my skin and frustrated that I would see no results, which led to no motivation, just excuses. People would tell me that I looked fine, ask me why I was complaining, sure I ranged from a size 4 to a size 6, so I was never obese, but I had a different vision of me and no one really got that.

One day I was talking to my mentor, complaining that I had no time to workout, “I get up at 5:30am and usually do not get home until about 6pm, I have my 1year old that doesn’t stop, my teenagers that don’t help, I don’t know how to fit the fitness into my life and be consistent.” And of course he brings me back to reality by reminding me that I am just lining up my excuses. He asked me, “what is a consistent workout routine supposed to look like?” You see, I was thinking about it all as something that needed to fit neatly into this box labeled “LIFE” when in reality I needed to stomp on that box and JUST DO IT (like Nike). Work life was not going anywhere, my kids were not going to change, traffic wasn’t going to give me back time and there was NO magic pill that was going to give me the body I longed for. So I had a decision to make…continue in my “routine” or make shit happen!

A friend of mine had become a Beachbody Coach and she would often approach me about joining her. Of course I knew about the Beachbody programs but I didn’t have the money to do that (another excuse). The reality was, I obviously did not want “IT” enough. Well, after much back and forth, hubby and I decided to take the 21 Day Fix Extreme challenge and do something about our health. We started the journey July 19, 2015 with no excuses! Yep that’s me at the start…

We worked out in the evening after our little guy went to bed (30 minute kick butt workout at home). I prepared all of our meals and snacks according to the meal plan (portion control was key, but we had the containers that helped). We stuck to the plan for 21 days, even though the last 7 days included our family vacation in Orlando with our kids and the amusement parks. For that week we prepared our wraps and snacks on the go instead of eating fast food, we worked out in the hotel and skipped all the indulging food we would have devoured on any other occasion. Those 21 days of commitment were evident on the 22nd day and thus our journey continued…

Though my journey is far from perfect and I am trying to get back to the results I first had, I have accepted that this is a journey. Sometimes it will be fun, other times it will require a big kick in the butt to stay on track, and sometimes I will be run over by the band wagon…BUT I no longer lead with excuses and I became a Beachbody coach (click for My Beachbody site) myself. Sure, I spend a good 3hours during the weekend preparing meals for hubby and I for the week, I workout 5 to 7 days out of the week but it usually does not take more than 40min, and yes I still indulge in my peanut m&m’s when life calls for it. No one said it would be easy…but how bad do you really want “IT”? What ever that “IT” may be for you…STOP WITH THE EXCUSES, enjoy the journey. And yes, even though I am still not working, my alarm still is set for 4:10am so that I can continue motivating my hubby and myself and setting an example for our kids. What excuses have you given up? What results have you gained?

Chase the dream!

Over the weekend my husband and I took our little human to the movies to see Boss Baby. We sat in our seats with popcorn and treats in hand and settled in for the coming attractions. There was one particular coming attraction that caught my eye. It was about a little girl and boy that lived an orphanage and they decide to leave and follow their dreams. As I watched the trailer for the movie my eyes filled with tears…when did I stop chasing my dreams? In that minute or so of the coming attractions for that movie (Leap) my soul seemed to drift away into the realm of possibilities that I have tucked away into the corner of fear and daydreams. My heart sunk…how can I dare encourage my kids to dream big and follow those dreams when I am not leading (or leaping) by example?

The funny thing is that when I am in my role of “training and development professional” I am willing, able, and often itching to take those LEAPS of faith to create the perfect environment for my learners. I relish in the whole process of planning my activities, gathering information about my participants, setting up the classroom or the virtual training with unexpected visuals and resources, and just giving them my all. Oh it’s SO much fun to see my learners grow, hear their stories, and know that even though they came in dragging feet (yes, many have admitted to it), they are leaving with enthusiasm and knowledge they never expected. It’s my passion and it’s a role I am quite confident in (even though I still get VERY nervous before each class/workshop). How many of you can relate? Air high five to you!!! However, when I am in the role of ME…I am a bit lost…what?!? I have been playing the role of “me” for 40 years, 2 months, 3 days and counting. I should have this down packed, but I don’t. You see, I have developed this method called “EXCUSES” that keeps me from taking those leaps (opportunities to Learn Explore Ascertain Prosper Shine). Although, I must say that thanks to my mentor…Jim AKA Mr. Energy AKA No Excuses…whenever I hear that excuse coming on, his voice pops in my head and reminds me…THAT’S AN EXCUSE. Sometimes I listen, but sometimes I let fear take over. 

So here we are again in the “If Only…Then…” crossroad. I am 40 years old and not getting any younger. The years are flying by and each moment lived is a moment we will never get back. If only I could duplicate that passion I have in the classroom into my LIFE, then I can stop dreaming and start DOING!! What dreams do you have? When will you stop the excuses and take those L.E.A.P.S of faith?

When did we stop asking WHY?

When I became a parent for the first time almost 14 years ago, my first son skipped the terrible two’s and the never ending “why” stage. WHEW!!! I was spared BIG TIME! (Or so I thought…I am getting ALL of the teenager stages, I guess they call that “balance”). Speaking of balance, I now have a 3 year old and he has followed the stereotypical toddler stages roadmap to THE T! We are currently knee deep in the “WHY?” stage. I mean heavily in that stage. EVERY sentence out of his adorable little mouth either begins with a WHY or ends with a WHY. Some of his questions are easy to respond to, but others just leave me at a loss. “Momma, why does the truck have so many tires?” “Momma, why did the people leave that there?” “Why does fluffy (our dog) have toys?” “Why is it raining?” “Momma, why is there poop coming out of my butt?” “Momma, where are those cars going? Why?” By the end of that walk or drive with my all too inquisitive toddler I am out of words and responses and clinching to…”because Momma said so” or “I don’t know”.

Yesterday, as I tucked my lil guy in bed, read a book and answered about 7 more WHY questions…I started to wonder, when did we stop asking “WHY”? When did we ultimately stop asking questions? There is SO much coming at us every single day and in so many different forms…texts, phones, emails, meetings, kids, spouses, house duties, television, work, social life, AHHHHH!! It’s no wonder we have the tendency to go into auto-pilot mode, just get things done and keep on moving so we can get to the next “thing”. What would happen if we stopped and asked “why”? Why do we need that meeting? Why are we maintaining the status quo? Why don’t we consider this instead? Why didn’t this opportunity/relationship work out? Did we stop asking because well, we are adults, we are suppose to have the answers? Or did we stop asking because we are afraid of the response?

It is NO secret that communication is the foundation of ANY relationship. The importance of asking questions, questions that make an impact and unravel the doubts and often misdirection we create in our heads is KEY in building that foundation. As a training and development professional I have had the opportunity to facilitate many communication trainings and have observed even the most experienced executives struggle with asking questions. It’s a skill, a skill that goes hand in hand with listening…the Mom and Pop of COMMUNICATION. When we are confronted with a situation that requires us to dig deeper and ask high impact questions, very often we take the route of sticking to surface questions, safe questions, questions that we know we can answer should roles be reversed. WHY? There is so much more we can learn if we just stop and ask WHY?

So granted, while my toddler has his “why” questioning skill mastered, he still has ways to go with his listening skills (as does every member in my household, including myself). However, this little human has reminded me that I need to stop more often, turn off the auto-pilot mode and ask questions. Who knows, I may learn something new. So, the next time you are thrown a new project, task, or assignment and you are not clear…ASK QUESTIONS. What do you have to lose? Better yet, what can you gain? If only we asked more questions, then…

 

The stories in my head!

Last week I had the joy of participating in one of those “great” perks you get when you join the Forties Club!!! Yep, I had my first mammogram! I barely slept the night before, tossing and turning and reliving all the horror stories I had heard in the past. How will I deal with that pain they have told me about? Will my implants get messed up when they squish them? I was a hot mess. My appointment was not scheduled until 12pm so I tried to keep myself busy with my lil guy and organizing my closet. Let me tell you…I purged the heck out of my closet that day! Time came to shower and prep for my appointment. No deodorant, no body lotion, no perfume, and no powder allowed…thank God it was SUPER breezy outside because with my nerves, my sweat glands were on overdrive. I dropped off my lil guy at my in-laws and off I went down that long road to my final destination! I went into auto-pilot mode once I walked into the office…handed my ID and insurance card over, gave the receptionist the necessary details and sat down to read my book. Well, I read a line and watched HGTV, read another line, and watched HGTV. I continued that sequence until I heard my name. The next thing I remember was walking in the hallway, following a very mellow speaking woman into a room while I held my shirt and bra in a plastic bag and I wore a top that opened to the front. She talked me through the process and I just felt the sweat trickle down my sides…there was no going back now. And so it began…WAIT!!! What?!? This is IT?!? WHAT?!? I lost SLEEP over THIS!!! It was NOTHING!! It didn’t pinch or hurt. She didn’t flatten them like a pancake, my implants never knew what happened! I practically danced my way back to the changing room. As I drove home EXCITED about my experience, I realized that once again I allowed the story in my head to take over and take control of my life. Unfortunately, that anxiety, that fear, that awful, painful, dark story has taken over too many events…when I had my bellybutton pierced, when I had to facilitate a class for the first time to a group of executives, when I had to facilitate my first virtual training, when I found out I was pregnant with my second child, and most recently when I lost my job. BUT guess what? The reality of each of those moments was NOTHING like the story I had in my head. The belly piercing was a breeze, both the classroom and virtual training were a hit, my lil guy is a happy and energetic 3-year-old that keeps us on our toes, and as for my job…TODAY marks 1 month since I was let go and I am here, I am LIVING and moving forward.

Am I the only story-teller? Does anyone else build this entire production in their head before any event that brings with it some kind of uncertainty? I would LOVE to know…how do YOU shut those stories down? Why do we create such a bleak outlook? I can’t do this anymore, not to myself and not to the ones I love because they feel it too. Tomorrow when I wake up, after I thank God for another day filled with opportunities, I am going to create a BEAUTIFUL and successful day in my head. Each day brings its own mystery and opportunities, lets discover them instead of dreading them. Living with that anxiety and fear has made me lose sight of so many blessings I have around me each day. Life is too short for that. Will you join me? Create that inspiring story in your head and then create the actions, behaviors and confidence you need to see that come true.

 

After 23 years…what’s this?

I started working when I was 17 years old. I worked as a sales associate at Clothestime, a clothing store with the latest and greatest casual fashions for  women (at least that’s how I saw it back then). That was the start of my work life. This new journey took me through many more retail clothing stores and ultimately to the financial industry where I found my passion in training and development. I spent 19 years growing and learning in the financial industry before venturing into the healthcare industry in order to further my career. Well, that was short lived…On February 24th, after 23 years of working and only taking holidays, weekends, maternity leave and scheduled vacations off (I may have taken 1 sick day off somewhere in there too), I was let go from my job. WHAT?!?! What the heck do I do NOW? My bonus daughter starts college in June! We have 3 kids! Crap, where is that savings account?!? AND then began all of the “if only…then…” scenarios in my head. And oh, the scenarios did not just focus on the past 14 months in the healthcare industry, OH NO!! The “if only…then…” scenarios went as far back as 1983 when I lost my mom in a car accident, they went back to 1995 when I graduated high school, they went back to 2008 when I got divorced, and continued to 2015 when I lost my dad to cancer. Holy CRAP…what was I doing! I was digging myself into this pity hole that no one would be able to pull me out of. So I sent out my SOS smoke signals and thru the amazing support and love from my husband, kids and dear friends (special thanks to Mr. Energy) I DUG MYSELF OUT!!! What the HECK was I doing? So what, I lost my job…BUT I have an amazing husband, healthy kids, a roof over my head, food on our table and I have the skills, knowledge and experience that NO ONE can take away. So I put on my big girl pants (well, more like my pencil skirt and high heels – more my style, LOL) and changed my mindset.

Yes, I am going on 3 weeks in this new status but the journey is just beginning. I have faith that this is where God wants me to be right now, so for now, I will enjoy my family, keep learning and growing and keep on blogging…What challenges have you faced and thought “If only…then…”? Guess what, if you are reading this today, you have either made it through that challenge or you are MAKING IT through that challenge. You are alive and breathing and THAT means YOU CAN MAKE IT!! You are not alone. I know the right door will open up for you too…let’s turn this challenge around and LEAP into the new possibilities! The only way we fail in this journey is by not learning from it and growing from it!